


Silvery Recollections

by BetterYouThanMe



Series: Harry Potter Drabbles [22]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Lucius Malfoy, F/M, Narcissa struggles to get pregnant, mentions of miscarriages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 17:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15845937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterYouThanMe/pseuds/BetterYouThanMe
Summary: Narcissa recounts her marriage and life through the color silver. As she struggles to get pregnant and stay pregnant she thinks about life in general and what it means.(Could be considered an AU since we don't know much about the Malfoy's life but I'm pretty sure the book mentions Lucius was a trash father and Narcissa did her best. So that's what I wrote. *Also, brief mentions of Miscarriages*)





	Silvery Recollections

The silver band on her finger held a blood red gem. Narcissa smiled at it softly, content that she got what she wanted.

Lucius wanted to get her a gold ring with a giant diamond. She, however, preferred the silver ones, especially against her paler skin. Besides, gold was far too overrated nowadays. It was seen as a representation of wealth instead of the love an engagement ring should symbolize.

Although her marriage to the Malfoy man was arranged, she naively hoped they would come to love each other. Maybe not the burning love that she dreamed of, but an understanding one. That meant they both accepted the situation they ended up in.

* * *

The silver rattle sat disregarded on the floor. The nursery had been ready long before their marriage. A reminder that Narcissa was only there to produce an heir.

It also reminded her that she had failed that three times now. The miscarriages were starting to take their toll on her body and mind.

She could feel herself slipping into a depressive state. She wanted a child more than anything else in the world. She wanted someone who would love her unconditionally for all she was worth.

A type of love only a child could bring. Because Lucius would never love her like that.

She often found herself sitting in the nursery. Imagining a child asleep in the beautiful, ornate, crib. The silver rattle in their tiny hand.

* * *

They gave her a potion that looked like molten silver. The Medi-witch told her it should help her pregnancy. Narcissa was starting to lose faith in them. She pleaded with Lucius to let her see a Muggle doctor. Magic had not been on her side lately and she figured a Muggle doctor would focus more on her instead of magical elements. Magic couldn't fix everything. But he refused to seek help from a Muggle.

She took the potion regardless of her feelings. Maybe they were right this time and she would be able to get through this pregnancy. Maybe she would be able to finally hold a child in her arms for the first time.

The potion made her feel light headed but not in a bad way. It was the kind of feeling one would feel when they were in love. Narcissa hadn't come to know that feeling but she hoped with time she would.

As that little inkling of hope dwelled in her stomach with the potion, Narcissa admired the pool of it that was left in the vial. It reflected the light ever so slightly and made Narcissa like the color silver again.

* * *

She was forced to take more of the potion as her pregnancy progressed. As her third trimester began to approach, Narcissa could feel herself become happy again. She'd surpassed all the other miscarriage dates by now, but that didn't mean one at this stage wouldn't happen. But the scale of fate seemed to dip in her favor this time.

She began to notice silvery gray hairs mixing with her typical black ones. She was only 25 but the stress she put her body through these last few years caused the change. Narcissa didn't want to be like her namesake, but she did fancy herself a catch back in the day. Now she looked her mother's age.

Instead of regret, or self-loathing, Narcissa was proud. The gray hairs, to her, were reminders of what she had been through. That she survived despite being told she wouldn't. After the third miscarriage, the Medi-witches told her to stop. And she wanted to. The pain hurt too much and she desperately wanted it to end.

But a wife should always be compliant to her husband and Lucius wouldn't let their problem go. He wanted an heir, a son, more than he cared about Narcissa's health. In fact, she was so terrified that she prayed the child wasn't a girl. That fate wasn't cruel enough to finally let her come to term just to make it a girl. Because the last time she miscarried, well, Lucius wasn't happy. And when he isn't happy, no one is happy. Narcissa wasn't the only one to get a beating that day.

The entire manor cowered in fear that evening. Even the peacocks in the backyard. Narcissa wept in the nursery the whole night to afraid to face her husband in their bedroom. In that moment she wished she didn't marry him but then guilt washed over her as she realized someone else would have. And she hated her life but she would never think about forcing someone to live it.

* * *

She rocked the child back and forth as he screamed. The poor boy managed to drift off in the middle of his screaming fit for a few seconds before Lucius barged in to yell. Narcissa did everything in her power to get the infant to sleep. At least she tried where Lucius resorted to intimidating the baby.

Lucius had given up a few minutes ago and Narcissa assumed he disappeared to drink. The constant rocking movement slowly soothed the child back into a peaceful slumber, finally giving Narcissa's brain a rest.

The boy's hair was so white it looked silver in the paling moonlight. The Medi-witches were surprised at his hair considering that Narcissa's black hair was the dominant trait. But that was one of the possible effects of the silvery potion they gave her months ago. It usually caused the child to have all the recessive genes. Still, they all gasped when the child had such light hair. It was hard not to be surprised when the child radiated light.

They hadn't named the boy yet even though she had given birth some time ago. A little under a month if her math was correct. Lucius's family wanted him to use a legacy name and Narcissa hated the idea. She wanted the child to be his own person who could in the future make the Malfoy name better. A legacy name would cause everyone to remember whatever ancestor previously had it and not the child she had given birth too. She didn't want him to be compared with anyone.

Narcissa found herself staring out the window. The stars twinkled giving off a silvery glow as Narcissa tried to remember constellations from her school days. The memory sparked something in her mind and she carefully stood up to set the child in the crib. Tentatively, she stepped away, counted to 30, and then left the room.

After making sure Lucius wasn't in his study, she crept into the room. Bookshelves lined the wall and Narcissa knew exactly where to look. One place she was allowed with free reign was this room and it was only after Lucius realized letting Narcissa read would get her to leave him alone. The book on constellations was one of her favorites when she took Astronomy at Hogwarts. She assumed they had changed the textbook by now, but Lucius pristine copy sat on the shelf. He kept every book he ever read in that room just in case it was needed.

Narcissa quietly thumbed through the pages not really looking for any particular one. But the idea to name her child after one of the constellations was too good to pass up. She gasped lightly when she hit one that resonated with her, Draco, that's what she was going to name her child.

For the first time since she stepped foot in this manor she wasn't alone. She'd stand by Draco's side and hopefully he'd stand by hers. She'd protect him even if it meant her own life was on the line. Narcissa finally understood what love was as she stared at the book. Because Draco fit perfectly and she knew fate was what led her there.

She was going to be Draco's light and he would be hers. Fused together in a world where they shouldn't have been as lucky as they were. Narcissa walked back up to the nursery and crumbled into the rocking chair. Sleep slowly called out to her as she slept peacefully for the first time in years staring lovingly at her son, her Draco.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my Fanfiction.net page  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5665438/BetterYouThanMe


End file.
